I knew this moment would come.
By reviewing things you are offering a personal opinion on something that someone has put time and effort into. I dont believe that people entirely set out to make bad products, so I tend to be a bit more positive about things. But I always knew that one day I'd see something that others enjoy that I didn't.
So here we are. Jurassic World.
I will make two comparisons with the original film.
Firstly, the dinosaurs look SLIGHTLY better than they did twenty years ago.
Secondly, there's a scene in the original where Laura Dern explores a huge pile of dino-crap. I felt like they'd just picked that pile up and recycled it into the script.
The plot centers around...
Geez, do you need me to tell you?
Blah,blah,blah,genetically engineered dinosaurs, blah, theme park, blah, something goes wrong, blah, people get eaten, blah, lead characters get chased by lead dinosaur, blah, saved at last second by other dinosaur....yawn..
In this case, the main dinosaur has been constructed out of a whole host of others to make it bigger and scarier than anything else to keep the crowds coming in. In contrast, the story has been spliced together from the genetic material of a whole ton of cliches.
Here's a list.
Teenage kids packed off to relatives whilst parents go through divorce.
Cold hearted corporate head, with no time for family.
Maverick ex-marine with a heart of gold, who lives in a shabby caravan.
Frosty relationship between two polar opposites that ultimately becomes a romance.
Evil corporation messing with science to make money.
Immoral scientists creating new species with no consideration for ethical matters in any way until AFTER they've done it.
Evil corporate security men, hell-bent on weaponizing the scientific advances.
Maverick billionaire who appears to outwardly care about the safety of his customers until faced with destroying his valuable assets.
Arrogant, cold British servant getting horrifically killed.
Wayward teen showing how they can do stuff!
Squabbling siblings bonding after near death experience.
People saying things are completely safe, seconds before proving that they aren't.
The only thing that can possibly stop the marauding menace being destroyed before it can do its job.
Dinosaur hunters who completely fail to shoot straight, or wait until they are actually in the jaws of the beast before firing.
Quirky command centre geek who has massive reservations about what he's doing and shouldn't really be working there at all.
Unnatural bond between animal and trainer that ultimately saves his life.
Divorcing parents reconcile over the peril of their kids (implied).
In fact, there are so many that I could go on and on.
The film is technically well made, I'll give it that, but it's lost a whole lot of charm, and indeed scare factor since the original. The shocks aren't shocking, there's too much reliance on big dinosaur, bigger dinosaur, EVEN BIGGER dinosaur.
Character-wise, you'll hate the kids and want them slowly disemboweled. Corporate cold bitch is completely one note, security guy is predictable, and Chris Pratt plays Starlord again.
There are some weird lapses of logic. For trainers who apparently care for the animals, they don't appear to regard locking their velociraptors heads in vice like cages for what appears to be hours at a time as a problem. Twenty thousand visitors a day does not seem like anywhere near enough to keep this attraction going. Why have what appears to be hundreds of pteradons caged in a small dome, isn't that cruel?
There are lots of set pieces, the abilities of the new dinosaur are wasted and are only there as a plot to help it escape. Worst of all though, if you are going to say it's bigger than a T-Rex then make it CLEARLY bigger than a T-Rex.
Watching this film could have been so much better, fewer gimmicky dinosaurs, better characterizations, a bit more thought.
This film will still make a lot of money and might spawn some sequels. I hope others enjoyed it more than I did.
It might be nostalgia but there were a couple of references from the original that did perk things up, jeeps,Mr DNA, etc but overall it was nowhere near as exciting as it should have been.
You can tell a film is not doing for you when you have been squirming in your cinema seat so much it gets (dino)saur...!